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UTAH STATE PRISON — In 2002, as 1st District Judge Clint Judkins sentenced David Matthew Ayotte to prison for killing his 2-month-old son, the judge told him to spend the rest of his days in the service of his fellow man.
Ayotte says he never forgot that, and he took Judkins seriously.
"I have learned to despise my actions," he recently told the Board of Pardons and Parole.
Now, Ayotte — who is already scheduled to be paroled in 2022 — has asked the board to consider an earlier release.
In September 2000, Ayotte, then 26, held his 2-month-old son, Spencer, by the back of the neck and shook him until he went limp because the boy wouldn't stop crying. An autopsy also revealed that Spencer had been subjected to abuse on at least three other occasions during his short life. The State Medical Examiner's Office discovered Spencer had 15 fractured ribs, a bruise on the inside of his scalp, many tears in his brain tissue and severe bleeding on the surface of his brain.
Ayotte pleaded guilty to murder and was sentenced to five years to life in the Utah State Prison. His first parole hearing was in 2010, where the board set the 2022 release.
Because of the progress he has made while incarcerated, Ayotte recently requested a rehearing to ask the board if it would consider moving up his release date.
"I want to be able to have the opportunity to prove myself out there,” he told board member Clark Harms in a recording of the Sept. 18 hearing.
Harms noted to Ayotte that there are a lot of babies who cry in public, and heavily questioned Ayotte about how he would react differently this time if faced with that situation.
Ayotte, now 44, believes he is more mature than he was 18 years ago. He has taken several treatment classes while in prison and told Harms he uses meditation, exercise and religion to help him deal with his stress and anxiety.
Ayotte now teaches many of the classes he has completed himself to other inmates. He recently was moved to the Cache County Jail to be housed there.
One of the biggest changes while in prison, Ayotte said, was learning forgiveness and how to let go of the past. He was abused himself growing up, and held onto a lot of resentment and anger, he said.
"In order for me to be the man that I’m expected to be, the man I want to be, I need to get past the things that have bound me down and look forward,” he told Harms.
Ayotte's ex-wife, the mother of Spencer, read a letter to the board, which she admitted was emotional for her because the hearing was just a couple of days after the anniversary of her son's death.
"Nothing will bring back our son. It’s something that everybody in this room is going to have to live with the rest of our lives,” she said. "If the board decides that Mr. Ayotte has served enough time and has received the help he needs to function properly in life outside the world, then I support their decision."
Yvette Ayotte, however, asked that Ayotte be barred from ever having contact with her and her family.
"From what I understand, he has been doing his best," she said, while also noting "I think he’s missed out on a lot of stuff.
"It’s in your guys’ hands," she told the board.
Yvette Ayotte was initially charged herself for recklessly allowing the ongoing abuse by her husband. That charge was later dropped. Harms noted during the hearing to Ayotte that it must have been extremely hard and unfair for his ex-wife to first lose a child and then be charged for something she knew nothing about.
"I know I crushed Yvette’s life, her family’s life, and my family’s life,” Ayotte said. "I can’t even imagine the pain that I’ve caused her and her family, and I’m so ashamed of my actions."
Ayotte, who spoke slowly and with emotion during the hearing, broke down and openly cried when Harms asked him to describe his feelings for his deceased son.
"Spencer was our little boy. … He was given no chance. He should be 18 years old. He should be able to have the opportunity to have his life. And I robbed him of it. I am so ashamed of my actions,” he said after collecting himself. "I didn’t understand the gravity of my actions. I had so much hatred and anger in my heart. It seems as if I didn’t even care about the pain I was causing. I didn’t understand. I was a different person."
Ayotte said one of the biggest battles he's had while in prison has been trying to forgive himself and “trying to understand why a father could do this to an infant boy."
Harms said the board must now weigh whether Ayotte has done enough to better himself while in prison, versus the severity of the crime he committed. A decision on whether to grant an earlier parole date is expected in a few weeks.
