Estimated read time: 3-4 minutes
This archived news story is available only for your personal, non-commercial use. Information in the story may be outdated or superseded by additional information. Reading or replaying the story in its archived form does not constitute a republication of the story.
SALT LAKE CITY — As a comedian, I’ll often spend time watching other comedians perform at clubs, on YouTube or on TV. I think I can learn a lot about my own comedy from watching and observing comedians. And truth be told, I also just really like to laugh.
There have been countless times when I’ve heard a joke and thought, “Oh man, I wish I would’ve written that.” Usually that sends me on a quest to write the most perfect joke, and that usually ends with me stress-eating cake on the couch watching reruns of “The Nanny” on Nick at Nite. It's a vicious cycle. But enough about me and on to the jokes. Let the stress-eating commence!
- You know, when you're a fat guy you don't need a reason to sweat. Guys come up to me and go "Jeez … what have you been doing — jumping rope in the attic or something?" … "Umm, no … I peeled an orange about an hour ago, why?" — Kevin James
- You think when gym teachers were younger, they're thinking, "You know, I want to teach … but I don't want to read. How about kickball for 40 years?" — Jim Gaffigan
- So when you do get on (an airplane), the first class people are already sitting there; they're all sprawled out on their big thrones. "Bring me the head of a pig! And a goblet of something cool and refreshing! Anyone have a fiddle? Amuse me.” — Brian Regan
- Democracy is like a tambourine: not everyone can be trusted with it. — John Oliver
- Never play peekaboo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by the bib and said, "Look, it's always gonna be me!" — Rita Rudner
- There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. — Chris Rock
- Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. — Jerry Seinfeld
- I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn’t want to go, because I’ve put on like a hundred pounds. — Wendy Liebman
Are there any jokes out there you wish you would've written? Send them to me. I'm always up for a good laugh.
If you enjoyed this article and are interested in learning more about stand-up comedy, I’ll be writing Comedy Life twice a month and am happy to answer any questions in it that you might have … about comedy. Relationship, parenting, gardening or any other kind of advice will cost extra.
Jenna Kim Jones (@jennakimjones) is a stand-up comedian and writer living in Los Angeles. To hire her, visit her website at www.jennakimjones.com and to read about her life visit her blog at www.jennakimjones.tumblr.com.
