SALT LAKE CITY — Last month, I wrote an article about how to feed kids who eat well and respect their bodies. I outlined what your jobs are as parents and what your children’s jobs are in the parent/child feeding relationship.

To avoid power struggles in feeding your kids, it’s wise to not put pressure on them to do their jobs a certain way. They need trust and freedom with food.

However, they also need structure, so it’s important that you do your job well too. Here are some important things to remember:

• You decide when meals and snacks are served. Offer three meals and three snacks a day and let your kids decide if they are hungry or not. Space them far enough apart that they will be hungry for the next eating event, but not too far apart that they get overly hungry. A spacing of 2 to 3 hours between meals and snacks is usually just right.
• You get to decide where meals and snacks are served. I would encourage you to have your kids eat in the kitchen most consistently, with exceptions based on the situation or event.
• When kids leave the table after a meal or snack, they’ve decided to be done until the next meal or snack. Try to keep consistent boundaries that the kitchen is closed between meals and snacks, and avoid giving children food or beverages (except for water) between meal and snack times.
• Serve something from each of the basic food groups at meals: protein, grains, fats, fruits and vegetables, and dairy. Your kids get to decide what they choose and how much they eat from what is served. They have the ability to naturally self-moderate their choices to create nutritious food patterns, but only if they are exposed to a wide variety of foods.

Set expectations

To encourage a positive food environment, set the expectation that no one be disrespectful or derogatory about the food being served or what others choose to eat (or not eat). When someone complains about the meal or says how much they hate this or that, gently remind them of the expectation.

Encourage them to be gracious to whoever has prepared the meal, expressing appreciation before and after eating. If they try and don’t like some part of the meal, they can respectfully decline eating it.

It’s easy to feel resentful after preparing a meal everyone complains about, so this can help protect your time and energy as well.

DIY dinners

Preparing build-your-own style dinners is probably my biggest secret in feeding kids. It allows them to get creative and have complete ownership of how much and what goes on their plate (of what I’ve decided is served).

I do a build-your-own salad bar quite often, which they actually look forward to. It’s a non-threatening way to serve a salad, rather than presenting a regular salad, which they would probably decline.

Some other ideas might include a baked potato bar, taco/burrito bar, build your own pasta or build your own pita pizzas.

Include your kids in meal planning

This is a great way to educate about balanced meals and meal planning in general, which they will need to do on their own someday. If your kids are allowed to pick the entree, side dishes or vegetables, they will be much more likely to try them and enjoy them.

Each child could have their own night to plan, perhaps being in charge of preparing the meal depending on their age. This may connect them to the food they're eating, teach them valuable food preparation skills, and allow them to be more curious and open to trying what’s being prepared.

Allow them the freedom to dislike what's served

Your kids won’t like everything you prepare. Not all dinners will be winners and they don’t need to be.

Your job as a parent is to expose them to a wide variety of foods in a neutral, non-contentious environment. None of us like ALL foods, and neither will your kids. Give them space to explore and develop their own palate without taking it personally.

Eat dinner together

Eat the same dinner they eat. It’s all too common for parents to be following a diet, making one meal for their kids and spouse and making a different meal for themselves.

If you expect your kids to eat a wide variety of foods, to learn food acceptance skills and to nourish their bodies consistently and adequately, you need to do the same. They will learn more from your example with food than from anything else.

No matter where you are in your parent/child feeding relationship, you can work to make it a positive experience for everyone. I encourage you to focus on doing your job well and trusting your children to know how to do their job.

Editor’s Note: Anything in this article is for informational purposes only. The content is not intended, nor should it be interpreted, to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition; Any opinions, statements, services, offers, or other information or content expressed or made available are those of the respective author(s) or distributor(s) and not of KSL. KSL does not endorse nor is it responsible for the accuracy or reliability of any opinion, information, or statement made in this article. KSL expressly disclaims all liability in respect to actions taken or not taken based on the content of this article.

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