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SALT LAKE CITY — Thousands of Utahns have flooded the streets over the past three weeks to protest against police brutality and call for racial equality.
Even more have watched the protests, mostly peaceful, some loud — and just one nearly three weeks ago that escalated into something more — play out through the news media.
But among the sights, sounds and smells of the demonstrations, both large and small, is a peculiar sight: parents, moms and dads, some pushing strollers and taking their children to the protests, marches and rallies.
If they don’t teach their children about racial injustice and exercising their First Amendment rights of free speech and peaceful gatherings, these parents know that someone will.
And that someone could share the wrong message.
“It’s very, very important. Her life is at stake,” said Bri Andersen, a white mother who brought her 3-year-old daughter Veda to last week’s demonstration hosted by the northern Utah chapter of Black Lives Matter. “It’s important for people to recognize that I have to sit down and have conversations with her, that she has to act differently than her white privileged friends.
"People might think of her as a threat or as angry, because of the color of her skin — and that’s not something she can change. I’m hoping with this protest, and teaching our kids at this young age, that it’s important to stand up for what you believe in.”
As protests rage across the nationwide — including nearly every night for the past four weeks in Salt Lake City — parents are having conversations about what their children are seeing, including racial justice, tolerance and an end to racism. They're talking about things like police brutality, even coaching some children about how to identify themselves or handle interactions with police.
Unnecessary? Ideally. But it's a reality, and it's become necessary in many communities.
Indeed, most agree that children are never too young to learn about racism and how to react to race.
"You don’t even have to ‘teach’ them; just let diversity be a part of their lives," said popular Utah blogger Elexis Bronson, whose children are multiracial. "Just have the conversation that people are born different. It’s not wrong to be born with black skin or brown skin. I think, especially in Utah, where there are towns where there are no black children, schools with no black children, it’s easy to just sweep it under the rug.
"But it’s important to start it now. My daughter is 3, and we’re talking to her about it. Obviously, do it in an age-appropriate way. I don’t talk to my 3 year old the same way I talk to my 7 year old. But there are so many tools, in books, toys, TV shows, and everything with diversity. All of those things are really important, and a great start."
And why not? Visible, loud protests can be a conversation starter. And there really isn’t an age that is “too young” to learn about protests, said Ardi Ghimire, a licensed clinical social worker with the Salt Lake Community College Center for Health and Counseling — without reasonable parental guidelines, that is.
Of course, different ages understand things differently, and the effects of the current protests should be communicated differently to various age groups. Care should be taken to avoid glorifying violence, whether on television or in a real-life setting.
But starting a conversation around protests can help lead to talking about violence and racial injustice, and it can start with something as basic as an internal assessment: How are you feeling?
“I think first and foremost, with any age group, you should understand what your child is going through and how they’re interpreting this climate that we’re in,” said Ghimire, who also owns a private practice called Samsara Counseling, LLC. “How are they feeling about it? Something that comes in vital with children is safety; are they feeling safe or not?”
Andersen’s daughter is black, and conversations around her race started as soon as her and her husband had finalized the adoption, she said.
They’ve already begun buying books, television shows, movies and toys featuring people of color — people who look just like their daughter — because they say it’s important to have messages and role models that reflect who she is and what she looks like. It’s important for her to have heroes — actors, dancers, astronauts, and more — that look like her.
Even at a young age, the toddler responds to her “racial mirrors,” Andersen said.
In the same way, Veda’s peers also respond to racial stimuli around them. It’s not something that can be ignored.
“Kids at 2 or 3 recognize different colors and races in other kids,” Andersen said. “If you don’t treat your kids to actively not be racist, people will teach them to be. It’s up to us to take on that responsibility and teach them.
“Other people in the world are going to see race, and we should be proud of her, to own it, and to amplify it.”
Some children will respond to what they see or hear on the streets or from their homes, including from parents who bring them to protests and marches. It’s important to keep their emotions and reactions in mind when talking to them and help calm their fears and anxieties.
Still, others will learn, act and feel based on what they consume on TV, radio and the internet.
Whether parents bring their children to active demonstrations or rely on visual media to strike up a conversation, it’s important to begin with just that: have a conversation. Going downtown with small children will “depend how safe children feel,” Ghimire said. Obviously, care should be taken to keep children away from violent demonstrations or violent reactions to otherwise peaceful demonstrations.
“But I think you need to have that conversation with your kids, even if you want to take them to the protest,” she said. “Explain to them why you are there, why you are participating, and why we are participating in this advocacy.”
It can help to explain to children of all ages the reasons for participating, and the free exercise of speech as provided by the Constitution. That’s why JuleeAnne Rivera of Syracuse got involved in last week’s demonstration with the northern Utah chapter of Black Lives Matter.
“For my kids, at first they felt a lot of anger and not understanding how a human life could be taken the way (George Floyd’s) was,” said Rivera, whose children range from age 12 to 18. “When we told them we were going to protest, I told them it was the ultimate form of patriotism, that we are practicing our constitutional rights, and when we feel like something is unjust, that we’re a democracy and we have the right to come out and peacefully protest.”
Rivera also works in education for the Ogden City School District, and added that the classroom has a place in teaching children about racial justice — specifically the historical context of racism and racial inequality. But it starts in the home.
“No matter what ethnicity you are, you should be having people in your home for dinner who are different from you. In schools, we should have open communication and we shouldn’t be devaluing diversity,” Rivera said. “We should make sure people know that no matter what culture they are from, they matter. I don’t think there are enough conversations like that happening, and in the home, I think any family should ask someone to dinner with them so that their children see that.
“It’s not something we say, but it’s something that we do; that we value diversity, and it’s in action.”
Those conversations and actions should be constantly happening — even when they may start out uncomfortable for the parents.
Children are naturally curious and will ask their own questions — often over and over again, Ghimire said. And if they ask a question that their parents can’t yet answer, the best answer may be three words that many don’t say enough.
“It’s OK to say ‘I don’t know’ if you don’t know an answer,” Ghimire said. “I see this as a great opportunity to learn and grow together. So look at resources and history, and check in with ourselves.”
The important thing is holding an open dialogue with children about protests, violence and race relations, understanding their feelings, and correcting any misconceptions they may have before they can act on those misconceptions.
Teaching them history is important. So, too, is making sure children realize the history they are living.
The children of today are the rising generation of tomorrow and a key to changing hearts and minds in rooting out racism — through both demonstration and education.
“I feel like the black and brown community have been oppressed for hundreds of years, and it’s finally time for us to speak up and say, ‘this is a problem that we’ve caused, and it’s up to us to fix it.’ It’s not up to anyone else,’” Andersen said.
“It’s time to amplify their voices, and sit and listen … and realize the mistakes we’ve made, and how we can do better.”
