Confessions of an elementary school teacher

Confessions of an elementary school teacher

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SALT LAKE CITY — Whether you are a parent, student or teacher, in some way or another, you are probably saying "goodbye" to summer and "hello" to a brand new school year.

Elementary school teachers everywhere are working hard to prepare for a new batch of students. Before they completely revert back to "teacher mode," I thought it would be fun to reminisce of school years gone by and asked them to reveal classroom confessions, both humorous and heartfelt.

Grab an apple, tuck a pencil behind your ear, and try to enjoy "back to school" from a teacher's point of view (names have been withheld to protect the innocent).

"I am constantly reminding my students that boogers are not a food group."
— kindergarten teacher

"When the district switched to wheat, on spaghetti day we all heard (and smelled) the side effects."
— second-grade teacher

"When I had a substitute coming, I used to tell my class that she would grind their bones to make her bread if they were naughty. At the beginning of the year they were horrified. By the end, they just rolled their eyes and laughed."
— third-grade teacher

"When I see you at the grocery store at the end of the summer, my heart is thrilled! I love to see you again and find that after the summer is past, I now find in you a dear friend. I love you!"
— kindergarten teacher

"Whenever a child wets their pants, I try to help them not feel so embarrassed by telling them that sometimes grown-ups wet their pants too. Most of the time, they are all too eager to share the story of a time their mom wet her pants. In other news, moms shouldn't jump on trampolines."
— first-grade teacher

"I realized a few years ago that school is a full-time job for these little ones. They leave early in the morning, work, have a break, eat lunch, back to work, then home to do chores and homework! Just like mom and dad! Off to work everyday."
— second-grade teacher

"When a child says, 'I want my mommy!' I answer, 'I do too.'"
— kindergarten teacher

"When a child says, 'I want to go home,' I say, 'I do too!'"
— kindergarten teacher

"I haven't taken a bathroom break in at least 10 hours."
— fifth-grade teacher

"I wish I was paid by the hour."
— fourth-grade teacher

"I shed many tears throughout the school year. Some on my behalf, but most on the students."
— first-grade teacher

"The little toilets are truly intended for the kids. It's a long way down!"
— kindergarten teacher

"If you need honesty, talk to a child. They will always tell you when there is a 'bat in the bat cave.'"
— fifth-grade teacher

"I cried after you yelled at me for making your student move their behavior clip down."
— first-grade teacher

"I really don't care whether your child went No. 1 or No. 2 this morning."
— second-grade teacher

"While referencing where the letters should go on the handwriting lines, I once told my student, 'Oh honey, you need to put your P in the ditch.'"
— kindergarten teacher

"Kids can paper cut just about anything — including their eyeball."
— fifth-grade teacher

"I cry for two weeks when your child graduates my class."
— fifth-grade teacher

"Parents terrify me."
— first-grade teacher

"I giggle during the maturation clinic."
— fifth-grade teacher

"You no longer have any secrets. Your child has told me all of them."
— fifth-grade teacher

"There is no smell worse than a fifth-grade classroom after recess on a hot day. Spraying them down with Febreeze does not work. It is never too early for your child to wear deodorant and routinely shower."
— fifth-grade teacher

"Please don't give me any more mugs. I have way too many already."
— first-grade teacher

"When it's time to go back to school in the fall, I mourn because I don't want to leave my babies. When the school year comes to an end, I have 25 new babies that I mourn leaving behind."
— kindergarten teacher

On behalf of teachers everywhere, happy back to school!


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About the Author: Lyndsi Frandsen ---------------------------------

Lyndsi Frandsen is the creator of the Facebook page For All Momkind and author of the For All Momkind blog. She has many titles, including wife, kindergarten teacher and sister, but her favorite title is mom.

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