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One of my big pet peeves about divorce is when I hear, "We are divorcing for the kids."
I want to say, "Well, don't divorce for the kids; learn to relate for the kids."
If you are contemplating divorce, or know someone who is, read these myths about divorce.
Top 10 Myths of Divorce by David Popenoe
http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/MythsDivorce.pdf
Some divorces warrant risking the other long term effects of divorce. Research from Paul Amato, a leading authority in family and marriage education, gives three main conditions when divorce is warranted. The most likely to need a divorce is where there is abuse. Another good reason for divorce is if there are extensive addictions that cause a lot of pain and trauma for the family. And the last condition is if there is incessant, high-conflict, constant arguing between the two partners. If they have not been able to find ways to relate and lessen the conflict then the divorce would be a good option. These three conditions bring a more positive outcome with a divorce that outweighs the negative ramification of separating. Bear in mind that these three categories are only about one third of the divorces out there. The rest are usually irreconcilable differences, becoming bored, finding someone new, or just drifting apart and in those cases, it is going to negatively impact the kids.
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