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Can you have a really good friend of the opposite sex AND a healthy marriage? I'm sure there are people out there who have both and it works for them. However, in the hundreds of hours that I have spent coaching couples, I have found that generally these two cannot coexist. Marriage is fragile. If you become emotionally connected a friend of the opposite sex it causes problems in your marriage.
82% of affairs begin with a close friendship. Part of this is because your attention becomes divided and you are no longer centrally focused on your spouse. It is often difficult to have enough time and attention for two important relationships and the only way your marriage remains healthy is when it is the top priority. It is important to remember to focus on what matters most and spend time developing your relationship with your spouse and building your marriage.
Signs that a relationship might be more than just a friendship:
You keep the details of the friendship secret.
You say and do things with your friend that wouldn't say and do if your spouse were present.
You hide the friendship or lie about it.
You make a special effort to spend time with your friend.
You alter how you look when you see your friend or you worry about your image.
You share private details about your marriage.
You talk for hours with your friend.
You have inappropriate thoughts about your friend.
You complain about your spouse when you are with your friend.
Whether your friend is a member of the opposite sex or the same sex, these indicators can be used as guidelines for assessing if your friendship is encroaching on your marriage. The best way to have a healthy marriage is to keep focused on your most important relationship, the one with your spouse.
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