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What did your mother teach you? Here is a humorous look at lessons from mothers, written by Bert Christensen in "Truth and Humor Collection."
Things My Mother Taught Me:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
6. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
8. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
10. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
11. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"
12. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
13. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
14. My mother taught me HUMOUR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
15. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
16. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
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