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NEW YORK CITY — More than two decades after making the decision to walk away from her high-powered position on the Wall Street trading floor in exchange for ample time on the floor of her children's playroom, one mother is speaking out about how that choice impacted the course of her life — in a surprisingly negative way.
Lisa Endlich Heffernan's confession has the world buzzing, in part because it's the exact opposite of what's commonly spoken: being a stay-at-home mom came at too great a cost. In an essay published on the Huffington Post, Heffernan revealed that though she chose to leave her professional life in her rear-view mirror 20 years ago, she wished she had considered the full ramifications of that decision before she took the plunge.
"Although I am fully aware that being a (stay-at-home mom) was certainly a luxury, staring at an empty nest and very diminished prospects of employment, I have real remorse," she wrote.
Heffernan stuck with the corporate world after the births of her first two sons. But once she learned she was pregnant with her third, life became too chaotic and she decided it was time to call it quits.
"I stayed home with my kids because I wanted to be with them. I had a job that allowed me very little time with them on weekdays and I felt our time was short," she said. "I did not stay home because I believed they needed me or that the nanny I had hired could not do a great job."
While she said she doesn't regret the time she spent with her children, Heffernan shared a list of disappointments that became clear to her once her boys were grown. Among Heffernan's frustrations: her kids grew up thinking she did "nothing," her world in general became exponentially smaller, and she'd used her driver's license more than the degrees she'd worked six years to earn.
"On one level, I felt like I was shortchanging myself and those who educated, trained and believed in me by doing this," Heffernan said.
She also wrote of how forsaking her career made her feel like she'd forsaken those who went before her.
"In some cosmic way I feel that I let down a generation of women who made it possible to dream big, even though I know the real goal of the Women's Movement was to be able to dream anything," she said.
Heffernan said staying home transformed her marriage and took a toll on her confidence.
"In every way, my husband sees me as his equal, but in the years that I have been home, our partnership has developed a faint 1950's whiff," she said. "He doesn't ask me to run to the dry cleaners or fish store, but let's be fair, they are both closed by the time he gets home."
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Heffernan's controversial column has generated thousands of likes and hundreds of comments from both sides of the debate on Facebook. While many applaud her honesty, others are outraged at her claims.
"It's women like this who make it hard for those of us who prefer to stay home with our kids," wrote one commenter. "This woman has decided to base her self-worth by her profession and therefore she feels as if she did ‘nothing' with her life. That's sad."
It's a debate that continues to make headlines: to work, or to stay at home? Not only are more women working outside the home, but they're also becoming the primary source of income. A recent Pew Research Center Analysis revealed four in 10 American households with kids under 18 include a mother who is the sole or primary breadwinner for her family. That number has quadrupled since 1960.
The study also revealed 32 percent of mothers said they'd rather work full time than part time or not at all.
Heffernan's advice to working moms considering the transition to full-time mommyhood? Don't let the door shut completely.
"Keep a pilot light under your professional life," she told TODAY. "If you keep a pilot light going, the transition back to the workplace is aided."
It's all about balance.
"With hindsight, I would have recognized that over time, my parenting and career would both ebb and flow, but neither would — nor should — ever end," she wrote.
Heffernan told TODAY her boys have read her essay, and they're "OK with it."
