SALT LAKE CITY — For years, Michelle Fisher couldn't walk out of her front door without panic gripping her like a vise.

"It felt like I was still in Iraq, even though I was in Salt Lake," Fisher said. "I felt like, walking outside of my door, I needed to put on body armor and have a gun with me."

In Iraq, the former Air Force staff sergeant had been mortared and shot at on a daily basis. But the day she replays in her head over and over again is from September 2007, when someone she was stationed with sexually assaulted her.

"I thought that I'd be able to forget it all, that I could put it behind me," she said.

Instead, Fisher found herself unable to sleep and struggling to control anxiety attacks brought on simply by going to the store or meeting new people. Fisher began to abuse alcohol, got a DUI and lost a job she loved. She got behind on rent. She moved in with her grandmother. In 2013, she attempted suicide.

What happened to Fisher is happening at staggering rates to U.S. veterans who have experienced what's called military sexual trauma, according to researchers from Utah State University and the University of Utah.

Their study, published in JAMA Psychiatry on Wednesday, found that veterans with a history of sexual assault or repeated sexual harassment during military service are more than twice as likely to become homeless than those who hadn't been victimized.

Of veterans who indicated they had experienced military sexual trauma, nearly one in 10 — or about 9.6 percent — became homeless within a five-year period, according to the study. Men who experienced military sexual trauma were even more likely to become homeless than women, researchers said.

The report is one of the first studies of military sexual trauma as a risk factor for homelessness.

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"We were pretty blown away by the results," said Emily Brignone, a Utah State University doctoral candidate who was the first author on the report. "We expected an association, but we didn't anticipate the magnitude."

The researchers, who are part of a group that studies homelessness at the VA Salt Lake City Health Care System, analyzed the records of nearly 602,000 U.S. veterans deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan for the study.

Of those veterans, 3.1 percent — or about 18,600 men and women — said they had experienced military sexual trauma.

A previous study showed that about 22 percent of screened female veterans and 1 percent of screened male veterans report military sexual trauma.

Experts believe that figure is low. Many veterans don't disclose their attacks, even though the VA is mandated to provide care for any health issues stemming from military sexual trauma free of charge, according to Brignone.

She hopes the study raises awareness among providers about the need for timely interventions for veterans who have experienced military sexual trauma.

James Asbrand, a clinical psychologist and military sexual trauma coordinator at the VA Salt Lake City Health Care System, said veterans who are sexually assaulted face significant stigma in the military's hypermasculine culture where "the worst thing that can happen is to be victimized.”

On top of that, perpetrators are often fellow service members who live and work alongside the victims and are in their chain of command, according to Asbrand.

"These are people who are really supposed to look out for you and have your back," Asbrand said. "You may have to depend on them for your life in certain situations. To experience this betrayal of that trust and those bonds really cuts to the core of people."

In fact, research has shown that military sexual trauma is similar to the trauma of incest or childhood sexual abuse, he said.

For many of his patients, it takes years — sometimes decades — until they feel safe enough to disclose their assault.

In the meantime, they try to cope as best they can.

When Fisher tried to report her assault, she said she was told that women "already have a bad reputation in the military."

"The military took care of me, they clothed me, they fed me," Fisher said. "And I think that's the thing that's so damaging about it that a lot of people can't articulate. The military, it really is how you survive. And it does some pretty crazy things to people when it turns on them."

It was years until Fisher, who was honorably discharged, disclosed her assault to the VA and started therapy. That, plus joining an organization called Continue Mission founded by a Salt Lake veteran who helps fellow veterans stay active, began to pull her out of her spiral.

These days, Fisher works at Wasatch Adaptive Sports, a nonprofit that provides recreational therapy to civilians and veterans. She cycles with friends from Continue Mission and takes care of her green-cheeked parakeets. With the help of her GI Bill benefits, Fisher is also completing a degree in energy management and is about to close on a house in Farmington, where she can be closer to the cycling trails and wildlife.

Fisher began speaking publicly about her sexual assault after watching a TED talk about how to fight the stigma of sexual abuse.

"Something just clicked that people will judge me, people will say things about me, people will even try to be mean to me about this," Fisher said. "But they always will. And if my words and my story helps someone, that's more important."

"As a community, we need to come together," she added. "I feel like in order to fight the stigma, I need to tell my story."

Email: dchen@ksl.com Twitter: DaphneChen_

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