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SALT LAKE CITY — In a recent article published in the Deseret News, columnist J.D. Roth cites an up-and-coming book titled "The Opposite of Spoiled" by Ron Lieber. In his book, Lieber points to problems with financial education programs in schools, and he proposes some changes. These include teaching children to build an emergency fund by opening a savings account and creating role-playing situations by way of financial simulations, among other things.
All of Lieber's efforts in revamping financial education for our children seek to change what society is faced with, the “spoiled child,” or what has been called the “Entitlement Generation.” There are some great tips in his book, and I hope his efforts are well-received.
Now, I am not a financial genius. As a child, I wasn't given much of a financial pep talk. My parents never opened a savings account for me, I never got a steady allowance, and I never had more than $50 at one time — money I earned from baby-sitting jobs. Growing up in a large family, my parents never had extra money to do these things. Our needs were taken care of, and that was it.
Now, many of you may look at my situation growing up — little money, no financial education — and see a perfect recipe for falling prey to this entitled state of mind. Being born in the ’80s, I am in the middle of this generation and have seen many of my peers adopt this sense of entitlement. How have I avoided this?
I can sum it up with three phrases my parents taught — “please,” “not now” and “thank you.”
We know we need to teach our children to say please when asking for something … or do we? It seems this tiny gesture has fallen by the wayside in many homes. I'm not sure why. Perhaps we're too busy doing other things that when our children insist on something, we give in out of convenience. Maybe we give in because we want them to have everything we didn't. After all, they are entitled to it, right? Wrong.
By teaching our kids to say please, we are teaching them to not only ask but to ask politely. If you have tried to get your kids to say please, especially when they are in a demanding mood, you know how difficult it is. But when they finally say it, a humbling change comes over them. They realize that kind words go a long way and that asking, not telling, is an appropriate way to get what they need.
It is imperative they know please is not always the magic word. Sometimes, even when they ask nicely, the answer may be “not now.”
Why did I choose not now instead of no? When I think of the word no, it applies to when the child's safety is in danger or when the child is breaking rules. However, when a child asks for material things needed or wanted, the answer is almost always not now.
By not giving in to pleading — even if they say please — and by saying not now, you are teaching delayed gratification and patience — two things crucial to avoid raising a spoiled child. You are hopefully opening the door to discuss ways the children can earn what they want by doing chores around the house or getting a job. If they want it bad enough, they will do what it takes to get it, and it will mean more than if you just gave it to them.
Finally, even more important is teaching your children to say “thank you.” Much of the Entitlement Generation feels it deserves to have what it wants. Not so.
We need basics, such as food, clothing and shelter, but we are not entitled to them. Everything should be earned, and you should be grateful for it.
In teaching our children to say thank you, you will be instilling in them a sense of gratitude. And those who are grateful do not fall into the entitlement trap.
Putting an end to the Entitlement Generation is not rocket science, and I refuse to accept that a world filled with spoiled children and adults is just the way it is going to be.
By teaching your children these simple things, and by practicing them regularly in your home, it is my hope we can become humble, hard-working and grateful adults. It all starts at home. Arianne Brown is a graduate of SUU, mother to five young kids and an avid runner. For more articles by her, "like" her Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/WriterArianneBrown, or go to her blog at timetofititin.com.
