SALT LAKE CITY — What do a brief video about a victim of an elementary school bully and a feature film about two Americans kidnapped in Russia have in common? Both are based on real-life experiences that highlight the remarkable power of forgiveness to resist and even thwart violence.

The first film — an animated short entitled “Bullied – Let Us Be Kind” — is aimed at elementary-aged children and focuses on the choices and behavior of victims. The story is simple but the lesson is extraordinary, showing that loving and creative responses have the potential to overcome aggression and foster more healthy relationships.

As described by 6-year-old Canyon, in an article that became the basis for the animated short, a boy in his school class began to bully and hit him. But instead of either retaliating or surrendering to these psychological and physical assaults, Canyon decided to take another path.

“I was sad,” Canyon said, “but I forgave him. When I was chosen to be a class helper, I could choose a friend to work with me. I picked this boy because he never gets chosen by others. I wanted to make him feel good. He thanked me for choosing him and was nice to me.”

Looking beyond his own pain and the immediate dynamic of the other boy's behavior, Canyon intuitively responded with remarkably maturity, sensitivity and compassion.

In his hands, forgiveness and assertive love became effective tools that not only protected him from the harm of the other boy, but also had the capacity to reach his adversary’s heart and ultimately help heal some of the pain and insecurity that may have been sources of the young boy’s bullying behavior.

Fortunately, the classmate responded to Canyon’s generosity with increased kindness. Wielding a weapon of love, Canyon vanquished his foe by transforming him into a friend. However, even if he hadn’t, Canyon’s forgiveness and love would still have provided a bulwark against his schoolmate’s cruelty.

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An unkind word. An overheard remark. A betrayal of trust or vows. Hurt is packaged in more ways than we can count. Looking for an escape from the pain we search for a compassionate ear, only to be told to "just forgive and move on." It's as if, by magic, all of the hurt should dissipate like dew in the morning sun. Right?

Forgiveness is a defense and a formidable one at that because when we strike our attackers, or harbor resentments, or nurse our pain, or simply feel anger or hate or fear, we are allowing the actions of someone else to affect our peace, our happiness and our actions.

But when we forgive, we refuse to let others control our responses, and we erect an effective defense against their destructive influence in our lives.

Another example of the power of forgiveness was illustrated by a more extreme example of violence, depicted in another film, “The Saratov Approach” and the true-life story that inspired it.

After U.S. citizens, Andrew Probst and Travis Tuttle were kidnapped and beaten in Saratov, Russia in 1998, their kidnappers continued to physically and emotionally abused both young men. As described in an interview with Utah Valley 360, one of the kidnappers took the bullets out of his gun, had the young men count the bullets, then reloaded the gun and cocked it.

“What made it easy for us,” Andrew Probst said, “is we forgave them before we were free.”

Their forgiveness protected them in the midst of their ordeal and freed them from the debilitating effects of fear or the destructive effects of a cycle of violence. Liberated from both fear or anger, the young men felt another emotion for their captors — compassion.

The young men learned that both of their kidnappers were in tough financial spots, and that their violent scheme was in part born out of desperation. That connection is probably what saved them. When it became obvious that a ransom wasn’t going to be paid, the kidnappers chose to set the young men free.

“When you truly come to that point,” Tuttle said, “and you realize 'I could really die in the next 5 minutes' and you are OK with it. I don’t want to say it is cool, but it is a really surreal feeling.”

Their forgiveness shaped their traumatic experience. Unlike many people who go through intensely traumatic experiences and feel the effects of the violence in their lives for years to come, these young men, now husbands and fathers, are not haunted by troubling memories.

“I’ve never held a grudge,” Probst said 14 years later. “I’ve never had a nightmare.”

We all face aggression — verbal, physical or emotional — in our lives, although individual experiences vary considerably. Some of us experience significant aggression from others, while others of us face relatively mild forms.

But no matter what level of aggression we face, our choices are the same. We can surrender in fear to the violence or strike back with anger — both of which allows the aggressor to exert significant influence in our lives. Or we can choose a more efftective option — forgiveness — and the the process both protects us in the midst of our ordeal and can free us for a more peaceful and hopeful future.

David Pulsipher is a professor of history at BYU-Idaho, where he studies, teaches, and writes about conflict and peace. He is the author of "When We Don't See Eye to Eye: Using the Weapon of Love to Overcome Anger and Aggression."

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