EXCHANGE: Chaplains offer support to terminally ill


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OTTAWA, Ill. (AP) — For those who have a terminal illness, hospice care can be a spiritual lifesaver.

TerryAnn Dumyahn is a hospice chaplain with VITAS Healthcare in La Salle-Peru. She helps patients and their families cope with illness and the bereavement process.??

An ordained interfaith minister with a Master of Divinity, Dumyahn served as a mental health therapist for 20 years prior to becoming a chaplain three years ago.??

As a hospice chaplain, Dumyahn meets people wherever they are spiritually, and tailors her approach to the unique needs of the patient.

"A patient's faith, personal views and where they're at in life are most important when assisting patients nearing the end of life," Dumyahn said. "Everyone's end-of-life journey is different. Some patients are more expressive than others. Some, with affiliations to churches, may prefer to talk about superficial problems with a pastor and then confide deep-rooted concerns with a chaplain."

In her ministry, Dumyahn meets people along the whole spectrum of faith — those who don't believe in a God and an afterlife, those who do and those who consider themselves spiritual, but not religious. But there is one thing she finds in common regardless of the patient.??

"Generally speaking, most people want to know what's going to happen during the process of dying and after we die," she said. "Others are not comfortable discussing death, however, for those people that ask many questions about the dying process, they often become more comfortable because they know what to expect physically, spiritually and emotionally. It's these end-of-life dialogues that can help families later on during the grieving process."

Dumyahn engages her patients using active listening, paying attention to the patients' stories and listening for themes beneath those stories. She also utilizes movies, music and other methods to explore a patient's spiritual needs.

"My favorite part of the job is to help people who struggle with death by assisting them on their end-of-life journey by using practical tools, such as communion services, living funerals, making scrapbooks and writing letters, to help communicate their messages or last wishes," she said.??

Depending on their religious background, patients might have a different point of reference from which they begin.

"For instance, Catholics ask if there is a heaven, hell and purgatory," she said. "Buddhists may ask about scriptures from the Tibetan Book of the Dying. Spiritual people may say 'I believe in God but I'm not sure there is a heaven.' A lot of time it boils down to their image of God. If their image of God is fearful and judgmental, then they might ask 'am I good enough for heaven?' If they have an image of a loving God, then they can't wait to get to heaven. Most people believe in a kind, loving God, and others aren't sure what to believe."

When the time has come for the patient to die, Dumyahn says, everyone's experience is similar, but unique to their personalities.?

"In general, people die the way they live. If they have awareness during life, they are generally prepared for death," Dumyahn said. "It's like giving birth. Every mom giving birth is going to have a different experience. It's the same theory with death. Some people die surrounded by friends. Some people linger for a while because they are waiting for family to get there or family to leave before they pass." ?

For families facing the imminent death of a loved one, Dumyahn recommends seeking hospice services as soon as possible. Hospice services generally are available for those with an expected six months or less to live.

"It opens the door to a variety of conversations people wouldn't normally have," she said. "And hospice chaplains initiate and facilitate these conversations because an outsider can sometimes get a person to talk in cases where family members can't."??

For those who don't use hospice services, but want to help explore their loved ones' feelings toward death, Dumyahn recommends first asking simple, practical questions such as what kind of funeral they want or how they want to be dressed.

"Once those questions are asked, it's easier to discuss other matters," she said. "It's better not to dive right in with the deep questions. Hospice chaplains are mindful not to project their own views onto others. That's why I like to get to know my patients. I help them understand their end-of-life journey on their terms."??

After the patient dies, Dumyahn's mission continues with the bereaved family and friends left behind. She notes that just as each patient's dying experience is unique, so is the grief of each loved one.??

"In my experience, I've observed the grieving process to last at least two years, and it's important to know there is no right or wrong way to grieve because everyone grieves differently," she said. "For instance, if you're a parent coping with the loss of a child, you just learn to cope with the grief. No matter the circumstance, hospice chaplains assure family members or entire families that grieving is a normal reaction when a loved one passes away. A big part of my job with families after the patient dies is to let them know it helps to take it one day at a time."??

Dumyahn follows up with families 72 hours after the death to see how they are doing.

"If they are in despair, I make it a priority to call again," she said. "I sometimes meet them in person or call them on the phone if they prefer. Some people get really stuck in grief, and when that happens, it's best to transition their bereavement care to a therapist."??

Overall, Dumyahn finds her role with the dying and their family and friends satisfying and says she loves meeting a variety of people.

"I am passionate about demystifying the dying process and I like helping people explore spirituality," she said. "What I do is fill in that gap at the end of life, which is having the conversation, and helping people prepare for death and be at peace with their life's journey."

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Source: The (Ottawa) Times, http://bit.ly/1McNeWL

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Information from: The Daily Times, http://www.mywebtimes.com

This is an AP-Illinois Exchange story offered by The (Ottawa) Daily Times.

Copyright © The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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JERRILYN ZAVADA(Ottawa) Times

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