SALT LAKE CITY — Life is full of little embarrassments, like walking in on someone in the bathroom — much more embarrassing, I have found, for the "walker" than the "walkie" — or forgetting a close friend's name when you are asked to introduce him.

Or having "the talk."

Before I was a family man, I dreaded having “special talks” with my kids. I cringed at the thought of having to use words that began with … Well, there were a whole lotta words I would rather not have to say.

Then I became a father and I started making all sorts of wonderful plans to teach my children excellent things to prepare them for living in the wild. Being a great father, I decided, involved making speeches. And, boy, did I have some excellent, Readers Digest-worthy speeches written.

With my cool dad speeches, I would be able to talk about anything without embarrassment or awkwardness for me or for my child. It didn’t turn out according to the plan.

One day my tween son used a word he shouldn’t have, and I panicked.

“Where did you hear that word?" I screamed a little in my head. "Do you know what it means?” I broke out in a sweat. “No, really, do you know what it means?”

The 7 talks you need to prepare for

1. "The talk." In other words, we are talking about sex, for one. For two, we are still talking about sex. It deserves at least two numbers. You don't necessarily need to break out the encyclopedias, but a white board can be helpful. Just erase it when you are through.
2. Dating. A topic like what not to do on a date may come later than the sex talk, but be prepared for a frank talk in words your children understand. Some parents toss out a casual reminder as their teen leaves the house for a date: "Don’t have sex, please." Being casual enough that both parties can acknowledge that sex exists is a step in a positive direction.

Related:

The 'new' talk parents should have with their children

The school maturation program paves the way for many parents to have "the talk" with their kids. But the talk may need to be more than just the birds and the bees.

1. Pornography. The state of Utah has the largest consumption of online pornography. Who knows why this is? Some have suggested that the unknown or the forbidden has a real allure. If that is the case, then demystify it. Talking about what is out there and what may pop up on the computer or on their smartphone is hugely important.
2. Homosexuality. Regardless of your personal stance, homosexuality is a fact of life that needs to be addressed with your children. A friend of mine told his son what he thought of homosexuals and derided them for many years, finding out later that his son was homosexual. By then, he was past ever having a relationship with his son.
3. Drugs and inhalants — illegal and prescription. The dangers of using drugs, as well as the latest thing kids are doing on YouTube for everyone else to see, are issues you will want to talk about frankly with your kids. Take the secret out of it by acknowledging that you are aware of what's going on. As with everything on this list, keep channels of communication open so that you can freely discuss these matters. More importantly, keep channels clear so that your kids are free to discuss them with you.
4. Personal hygiene. Kids need to know that personal hygiene is their friend — and why. This turned out to be the hardest talk on the list for me. When a dad needs to speak with his daughter, or a mom with her son, about a potentially embarrassing hygiene issue, it can explore realms where no parent has gone before — or wants to go, rather. But they are not going to know these things on their own.
5. Divorce. This or otherwise admitting that you may have failed at something beyond a marriage is a talk you will want to consider having. Chapters in our lives don't usually resolve themselves with Hollywood endings, and your children should understand that. A few useful hints for venturing into the above talks:

• Get your facts right, and remember that it's OK to not have all the answers. Just don't pretend that you do.
• Past mistakes tend to resurface. Though you may not like the idea of sharing your faults with your child, honesty about your past may bring home the concepts you are teaching. But use caution and wisdom. Some issues may not be what you want to talk to your child about until they are mature enough to understand.
• Don't register shock when they talk to you about their perceptions or experiences.
• Don't tell other family members without their permission. You will lose their trust, and your child may not come to you anymore.
• We are responsible for our children. How they look at the world may depend on how we, their parents, present it to them.
• Remember why you are having the talk to begin with. These talks are designed to keep your kids safe and to help them prepare for life in the wild. If they don’t get good information from you, they will get questionable info from "Bubba" or "Tiffany".

We value our children, and while these talks may be awkward, we are lucky to have the opportunity to be embarrassed for a short time.

Our children will grow up and have a few of their own awkward moments as they become a resource and an encyclopedia for their children. They will earn the title of parent, just like we have.

Davison Cheney writes sports commentary for Deseret News for those who need more sports commentary. See his other writings at davisoncheneyprodigaldad.blogspot.com and on Twitter @davisoncheney.

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