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Parent's guide to sending your kid to college

Parent's guide to sending your kid to college

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Back-to-school season is fast approaching, and you’re likely stressing about all the things you need to do before then to get your kids ready. If you thought the to-do lists for primary school were odious, wait until you see what’s required for college these days.

Amidst all the preparations and emotional uproar of sending a child away to college, it’s sometimes easy to lose your head. Luckily, Debbie Staples, Parent & Family Services Coordinator of Southern Utah University, has you covered when it comes to quick tips and guidelines to keep you grounded during this challenging time.

Teach them useful skills

If before now you tended to do every household task for your child, now is the time to give them a crash course in adulthood. To avoid hurting your kid later on, teach them now how to do basic tasks, such as:

  • Laundry: Have them do it alone before they move out
  • Banking basics: How to withdraw and deposit cash, ATM use, bill pay, etc.
  • Cooking: How to make a handful of easy and low-cost meals
  • Car care: When and how to get an oil change, gassing up and tire lifespan
As you ensure the absorption of these skills, you’ll feel a lot better about sending your child off on this new grand adventure.

Set expectations

“Before your student leaves home, make sure there are clear expectations in place about attending classes, doing homework and basically understanding that being a student is their new job,” says Staples. She also advises helping your child recognize depression and anxiety. “Find out what resources are available on campus to help them learn coping skills.”

Prepare for some growing pains

From the weeks and months before school starts, most kids begin to show a new level of moodiness, disrespect and even outbursts. But don’t beat yourself up about this. Just like you, your child is feeling overwhelmed and afraid of the changes to come. Although well-adjusted adults might identify the cause of their fears and deal with them accordingly, your child likely doesn’t know how to react, and so he or she lashes out. This is just one way your child is subconsciously making it easier to leave the nest.

Back off, but stay connected

Many parents feel that it’s their job to fix their child’s problems, but you’ll see that this philosophy doesn’t quite fit into the college lifestyle. Help facilitate their independence by offering love and support, and only dole out advice when asked.

Staying connected is good, but let your child determine how often you text, talk on the phone or video chat. If you notice an immediate distance at first, this is totally normal. Your child is just taking time to figure out who he or she is without you there.

“My own kids really appreciated those intuitive calls when I wondered if they were doing okay,” says Staples. “Just because they are no longer at home doesn’t mean that you love them any less; you just need to wait a little longer before you step in with a shoulder to cry on.”

Shutterstock
Shutterstock

Reassure them often

Despite the fact that your child has moved out and likely feels like this is the end of the typical parent-child relationship, they’ll probably still get homesick. The cure for homesickness isn’t necessarily time at home — it's becoming connected in the new community.

Emotional support from afar could come in the form of a care package, a heartfelt snail mail letter or a quick phone call. As your child expresses these feelings, encourage them to enjoy their new surroundings and freedom. Make sure you also let them know that they are still part of the family, even though they no longer live at home.

Encourage involvement

If your child lets you know that they’re lonely, frustrated or homesick, it might be easy to encourage them to come home for a visit. But the better solution comes when you encourage your child to make new connections at school. This path also shows your trust in his or her ability to cope and make decisions.

Urge your child to participate in extracurricular activities and other campus events that will foster meeting new people. According to Brandon Wright, Executive Director of Admissions at Southern Utah University, “Get out of your room, off the Xbox and go meet people, be a part of a club! There are 160 clubs at SUU, so there something for everyone.” Wright says research shows that involved students are happier and have a greater chance of graduating on time.

If they’re interested in taking a course in an unexplored area, lend your support there as well. More often than not, what your child needs most is your consistent support, not necessarily your opinion.

No matter how you look at it, sending your child off to school is a difficult transition. The challenge of letting go doesn’t ever really go away, but if you follow these guidelines, it certainly gets easier for you both to have a great first year. Click here to learn more about how you can facilitate your freshman’s transition this fall.

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Southern Utah University

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